Sunday, April 17, 2011

Friday blues and doubts

Friday was a pretty terrible day in general, where basically everything that could go wrong did, including much frustration at work. But it started in the morning, with a miserable bike workout. I am still extremely frustrated that I am so much slower than everyone else, and the hilly ride didn't help. I was struggling to get up hills that my fellow bikers had long since passed. While I am maintaining my ftp for the majority of the ride, my wattage is still so much lower than everyone else's. I feel like I am pushing hard, but my legs won't cooperate to go any harder, and I'm not sure how to improve them. I started to wonder if my leg muscles are super weak because I haven't done any lunges or squats or other leg strengthening exercises while I have been nursing my ankle. Hopefully once I get back to that, I'll see some changes in cycling. But it also doesn't seem fun anymore. I feel bad about myself at each bike workout, no matter how hard I work, because I feel like I am a disappointment. I complain to my friends about how bad I am at biking, and I am pretty sure they are sick of hearing about it. This is making me have a lot of doubts- is half ironman really a good idea? I was on a high from my olympic triathlon and fastest half marathon last fall, and felt like I could do anything. But, now, 6 months later, I am in a rut, and extremely worried about managing 56 miles followed by a half marathon. I hope when we start biking outside, I'll be rejuvenated and remember how much fun I had last summer, biking long distances and just being excited about how far I could go and how much fun it was to be cruising along the different roads and paths in the area.

I know that last summer, I was working on building up my endurance, but that times and efficiency weren't a top priority. I just had to get up to the distances to make sure I could finish the olympic tri. This year, as the coach put it while we were working on swimming drills on Tuesday night, after the 1.2 mile swim, you still have to do 56 miles of bike and a half marathon- you need to be efficient at swimming. This year it's about efficiency and form, as well as about working up to the distances. I just really hope I can do something to improve my biking ability so that I can enjoy the run, my favorite part, in the big race.

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